While this is mostly the moving story of one family trying to find their way as they discover that one of their children is transgender it is also a little bit of the science of gender. It is totally moving and amazing.
I love this family. I want to hug them and tell them how much I was moved by their openness and what they went through to get where they are now. It was a journey for each of them and it was often painful.
Mom Kelly and Dad Wayne adopt identical twins Jonas and Wyatt and feel like they have finally become the family they had been dreaming of when they fell in love and got married.
Wayne is a conservative man who spent time in the military before he met Kelly. They are just what most people would consider a normal traditional values type family. Nothing shocking or over the top about them. Just pretty average. Well except for the twins, double the babies is a little over the top in the lack of sleep and diapers to change areas.
As soon as they could express themselves Wyatt was different from his identical twin. Wyatt wanted dolls and dresses. Wyatt wanted long hair and to be a princess. Wyatt hated his "boy parts" and knew they were wrong and not supposed to be on him. Wyatt was not a boy, Wyatt knew deep down and with out a shred of doubt that he was a she, Wyatt was a girl.
Wayne had a much, much longer road to getting to a place of acceptance. Kelly and Jonas were supportive right away and Kelly did everything she could to learn about what it means to be transgender and fight for Wyatt to be Nicole.
What unfolds is love, coming to terms with mourning the child you thought you had as you shift to the child you have in front of you, fighting bullies, fighting for right, advocating for your family, sacrifice for the ones you love, and coming to terms with life as it is and not what you thought it would be. The Maines family made me cry and cheer for them. They are so strong and brave.
Sprinkled in their personal story, which is so very important, is interesting information on the brain, biology, and what makes us physically male and female and what makes us a specific gender or fall somewhere between genders.
(Finished August 24, 2017)
I love books. I love everything about them, how they feel, how they smell, the way they welcome you and take you everywhere and everywhen. Here I share my thoughts on books I read as I read them. When I started this Blog on Jan. 17, 2013 I moved all of my posts about books here from another forum going back to 2011.
Thursday, August 24, 2017
Tuesday, August 22, 2017
Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi
Connection. To land. To time. To blood. To fire. To water. To history. To family. To love.
Homegoing is about connection and it is moving and brilliant. I LOVED THIS BOOK!!! Even in the hard places I loved it. This goes on my list of books I give as gifts and revisit from time to time.
It starts with two girls, Effia and Esi. They don't know each other and never meet. But they have the same mother, Effie is left behind and raised by her father and his wives in late 1700's Africa and her life is tied to the slave trade on the traders side of the story. Esi lives a different life as her story is tied to the slave trade but as slave. The closest they come to each other is when Esi spends time in the dungeon under where Effia lives with her white husband.
From there the story tells us the story of each woman's decedents by following one person for a chapter and alternates between Effia's and Esi's line. We go from Gold Coast Africa all the way to a more current time in the US and back to Africa.
Each person has their place in the world because of the person who came before them. It is tied forward and back, the things that happen to a person and the choices they make begin the story of the next generation who then get to make the best or worst of where they are and thus setting the stage for the next generation.
And Homegoing is also about race and the place a skin color gives, the opportunity given just because of the package one comes in and the harm that causes and how it lasts for many generations after....
I am painfully aware that I walk around with something my peers who are POC do not just because of the package I am wrapped in and I hate it. I know it is wrong. I want to change it for all, for my son Ryan who is a young black man. To do that one of the best pieces of advice I was given and can offer is to educate yourself. If you are wanting to be a true and proper ally in the fight for racial justice you must not assume you know, read books and articles, fiction and non-fiction that shed light on the stories, experiences, feelings, of those who live the life, the Black story. Listen. Listen. Listen. And share what you hear.
(Finished August 22, 2017)
Homegoing is about connection and it is moving and brilliant. I LOVED THIS BOOK!!! Even in the hard places I loved it. This goes on my list of books I give as gifts and revisit from time to time.
It starts with two girls, Effia and Esi. They don't know each other and never meet. But they have the same mother, Effie is left behind and raised by her father and his wives in late 1700's Africa and her life is tied to the slave trade on the traders side of the story. Esi lives a different life as her story is tied to the slave trade but as slave. The closest they come to each other is when Esi spends time in the dungeon under where Effia lives with her white husband.
From there the story tells us the story of each woman's decedents by following one person for a chapter and alternates between Effia's and Esi's line. We go from Gold Coast Africa all the way to a more current time in the US and back to Africa.
Each person has their place in the world because of the person who came before them. It is tied forward and back, the things that happen to a person and the choices they make begin the story of the next generation who then get to make the best or worst of where they are and thus setting the stage for the next generation.
And Homegoing is also about race and the place a skin color gives, the opportunity given just because of the package one comes in and the harm that causes and how it lasts for many generations after....
I am painfully aware that I walk around with something my peers who are POC do not just because of the package I am wrapped in and I hate it. I know it is wrong. I want to change it for all, for my son Ryan who is a young black man. To do that one of the best pieces of advice I was given and can offer is to educate yourself. If you are wanting to be a true and proper ally in the fight for racial justice you must not assume you know, read books and articles, fiction and non-fiction that shed light on the stories, experiences, feelings, of those who live the life, the Black story. Listen. Listen. Listen. And share what you hear.
(Finished August 22, 2017)
Friday, August 18, 2017
Tears We Cannot Stop: A Sermon to White America by Michael Eric Dyson
There is a lot in here to make you uncomfortable but if this is the case for you then it is important to push through and keep reading. The intent isn't to make you stop reading but to point out important concepts and hopefully change you. If you find yourself agreeing with the thoughts and you are at the stage where you wonder what you can do to be a productive and useful ally then there is a lot in here for you too including an incredible reading list.
I know of Dyson from seeing him on TV and finding myself always wanting to hear more. I knew he was smart and outspoken but this was an incredible read. He writes it as a sermon and you can hear it as such in your head and it is powerful.
I am a white Jewish woman. And while there are issues with being a woman and Jewish that don't grant me the full measure of equality, safety, and comfort as is afforded white men I am painfully aware that just walking around in "white" skin affords me a huge level of privilege. If I get pulled over by the police while driving I am scared that I will get a huge ticket I can't afford, my insurance will go up, worry about what I may have done, but I do not for even a second fear for my life. When I walk into a store I am not followed or looked at askance by the employees, and when I walk down the street or get into an elevator no one is frightened of me. And I am not ok with this.
It is partly because I am by my very nature and compassionate and empathetic person. But is also by what I was exposed to as a child and where I am in my life as a parent. I grew up in Brooklyn New York and lived in the projects and am a product of the beautifully diverse New York City Public School system.
Also, I have three children, two of which are sons. One is an 11 year old and he is a white young man. The other is 25 and is a young black man. I have had to have two sets of conversations with them.
I never have to tell my younger son that women may see him coming and hold their purses tighter, cross the street, or step off an elevator. I have had some version of that conversation with my older son.
I have never had to tell my younger son that he will get stopped by the police for no reason at all and on many occasions and that if he doesn't do it just so an encounter with a police officer could cost him his life or that even if done just right he could still end up paying for the encounter with his life. I have had some version of that conversation with my older son.
I needed this book to guide me in my quest to be the kind of ally my son needs, my friends need, and the many other members of the black and brown portion of the population need. Because until white people put down their "whiteness" and pick up their humanity people of color won't be able to step out of the terrible place of oppression and submission they have been forced into, sometimes in chains, and take their rightful place as full and equal members of society.
Please read this book. And then seek out and read as much of the suggested readings mentioned at the end of it.
(Finished August 17, 2017)
I know of Dyson from seeing him on TV and finding myself always wanting to hear more. I knew he was smart and outspoken but this was an incredible read. He writes it as a sermon and you can hear it as such in your head and it is powerful.
I am a white Jewish woman. And while there are issues with being a woman and Jewish that don't grant me the full measure of equality, safety, and comfort as is afforded white men I am painfully aware that just walking around in "white" skin affords me a huge level of privilege. If I get pulled over by the police while driving I am scared that I will get a huge ticket I can't afford, my insurance will go up, worry about what I may have done, but I do not for even a second fear for my life. When I walk into a store I am not followed or looked at askance by the employees, and when I walk down the street or get into an elevator no one is frightened of me. And I am not ok with this.
It is partly because I am by my very nature and compassionate and empathetic person. But is also by what I was exposed to as a child and where I am in my life as a parent. I grew up in Brooklyn New York and lived in the projects and am a product of the beautifully diverse New York City Public School system.
Also, I have three children, two of which are sons. One is an 11 year old and he is a white young man. The other is 25 and is a young black man. I have had to have two sets of conversations with them.
I never have to tell my younger son that women may see him coming and hold their purses tighter, cross the street, or step off an elevator. I have had some version of that conversation with my older son.
I have never had to tell my younger son that he will get stopped by the police for no reason at all and on many occasions and that if he doesn't do it just so an encounter with a police officer could cost him his life or that even if done just right he could still end up paying for the encounter with his life. I have had some version of that conversation with my older son.
I needed this book to guide me in my quest to be the kind of ally my son needs, my friends need, and the many other members of the black and brown portion of the population need. Because until white people put down their "whiteness" and pick up their humanity people of color won't be able to step out of the terrible place of oppression and submission they have been forced into, sometimes in chains, and take their rightful place as full and equal members of society.
Please read this book. And then seek out and read as much of the suggested readings mentioned at the end of it.
(Finished August 17, 2017)
Sunday, August 13, 2017
The Windfall by Diksha Basu
This falls solidly in the liked it camp but doesn't quite fall over into really liked it...If Goodreads allowed half stars I would have made this a 3 1/2 instead of a 3.
When the Jha family becomes super wealthy everything changes for them.
The Windfall is a story about keeping up appearances and at times it is cringe worthy seeing the lengths Mr. Jha and Mr. Chopra go to trying to one-up each other. From bragging about the cost of trips and luggage and being able to support a son so he can be lazy and not work they stretch their tales to show the other just how wealthy they really are.
While this happening a friend from their old community, the one the Jhas raised their son in and were part of before moving to a fancy house in an upscale community of guards, drivers, and maids in uniforms the Jha's friend Mrs. Ray and Mr. Chopra's brother meet and explore getting to know each other without the pretense and it is a nice counter point.
It is an interesting glimpse into what people do to cover their own insecurity and impress others even while trying to prove themselves better.
This was the second July Book of The Month Club pick I mentioned in my review of Final Girls. It was not a bad read but I did enjoy Final Girls more.
(Finished August 13, 2017)
When the Jha family becomes super wealthy everything changes for them.
The Windfall is a story about keeping up appearances and at times it is cringe worthy seeing the lengths Mr. Jha and Mr. Chopra go to trying to one-up each other. From bragging about the cost of trips and luggage and being able to support a son so he can be lazy and not work they stretch their tales to show the other just how wealthy they really are.
While this happening a friend from their old community, the one the Jhas raised their son in and were part of before moving to a fancy house in an upscale community of guards, drivers, and maids in uniforms the Jha's friend Mrs. Ray and Mr. Chopra's brother meet and explore getting to know each other without the pretense and it is a nice counter point.
It is an interesting glimpse into what people do to cover their own insecurity and impress others even while trying to prove themselves better.
This was the second July Book of The Month Club pick I mentioned in my review of Final Girls. It was not a bad read but I did enjoy Final Girls more.
(Finished August 13, 2017)
Monday, August 7, 2017
Behold the Dreamers: A Novel by Imbolo Mbue
Set with the collapse of Lehman Brothers as the backdrop is the story of Jende, his wife Neni and their children. They are from Cameroon but are now living in NYC. Neni is on a student visa and attends college and has aspirations of becoming a pharmacist. Jende is trying to get asylum approved so he can get his green card.
When Jende gets a job driving for the Edwards family their lives become easier but oh so much harder. Clark Edwards, his wife Cindy, their two sons are what appears from the outside the perfect wealthy white family. Clark is a high paid big wig at Lehman Brothers and Cindy is a socialite housewife. But as is usually the case, not all is as it seems. Clark has a conscious and sees the trouble Lehman is heading into which isn't paying well with the higher ups. Cindy is trying to get over a damaged past and her fears about her husband's fidelity. Their oldest son Vince wants to "find himself" and their young son Mighty just wants his parents to be happy and love each other.
The story of Jende and Neni is one of struggle to fit in, what it means to be home in a country that isn't yours but you wish was and knowing when it is time to stop fighting and start living. It is also a reminder that we shouldn't assume anything based on appearances, there is always more beneath the surface and when we don't take the time to learn a person's story we are missing a rich and interesting and lesson filled experience.
(Finished August 7, 2017)
When Jende gets a job driving for the Edwards family their lives become easier but oh so much harder. Clark Edwards, his wife Cindy, their two sons are what appears from the outside the perfect wealthy white family. Clark is a high paid big wig at Lehman Brothers and Cindy is a socialite housewife. But as is usually the case, not all is as it seems. Clark has a conscious and sees the trouble Lehman is heading into which isn't paying well with the higher ups. Cindy is trying to get over a damaged past and her fears about her husband's fidelity. Their oldest son Vince wants to "find himself" and their young son Mighty just wants his parents to be happy and love each other.
The story of Jende and Neni is one of struggle to fit in, what it means to be home in a country that isn't yours but you wish was and knowing when it is time to stop fighting and start living. It is also a reminder that we shouldn't assume anything based on appearances, there is always more beneath the surface and when we don't take the time to learn a person's story we are missing a rich and interesting and lesson filled experience.
(Finished August 7, 2017)
Saturday, August 5, 2017
My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She's Sorry by Fredrik Backman
By the same author who wrote the incredibly wonderful A Man Called Ove, and just as incredibly wonderful.
Elsa is almost-eight. She has a halfie on the way thanks to her mother and her mother's new husband. Her father lives with his wife and her children and Elsa spends every other weekend with them. Her Granny is her best and only friend. At school she has learn to run, because it is how she avoids being beaten up by her schoolmates. And Elsa is different.
Most of all Elsa believes in fairytales and magic, Harry Potter is her gospel and her Granny has nicked some of Harry in the tales she spins for Elsa about the Land-Of-Almost-Awake because it is so good it needs nicking.
But then her Granny dies and sends Elsa on an adventure that brings Elsa danger but also friends, family, and forgiveness. Elsa learns so much and she also teachers those around her as well. My heart was broken and then mended along with Elsa's and this is a book that will stay with me forever.
"Because life is both complicated and simple. Which is why there are cookies."
(Finished August, 5, 2017)