You're Not You by Michelle Wildgen

Ogres, onions and this book. What could they possibly have in common? They all have layers.

This book surprised me. When I read the back of the book I half expected this to be a formulaic tale of a flighty young woman who sees the error of her ways and finds herself growing up after she starts caring for a woman with Lou Gehrig's Disease.  I say half expected because this book was given to me by my friend and fellow reader Rachel and she doesn't strike me as the kind who likes that kind of easy wrap up and wouldn't warn me I would feel some tough emotions while reading it if that had been the case.

Bec is the young woman in college hating her major and sleeping with a married teacher. She and her childhood friend are roommates and she still has no idea what she wants to be when she grows up. When she takes a summer job being a caregiver for Kate it changes her in ways she never expected.

Kate was diagnosed with ALS 2 years before Bec becomes her caregiver. Until her diagnosis she was a happily married, young, beautiful and vibrant young woman. Her disease has progressed fairly quickly and she is just about fully paralyzed and has a lot of trouble being understood when she speaks. 

Over there time together an intimacy develops between them. An uneasy trust that comes from Bec doing things for Kate that aren't easy for either of them creates a bond and a love that takes them both by surprise.

One of the wonderful things about this book is that Bec isn't all of a sudden this selfless person who doesn't blink an eye at the things she needs to do for Kate. She is hesitant, unsure, embarrassed and even annoyed at times. She comes off the page as real and honest, thinking things that most people would think in her shoes, like how hard it is for her to touch Kate during showers and helping her go to the bathroom. Bec always does what she needs to but is, at least in her head, honest about how this isn't fun or pretty.

Evan is Kate's husband and his role in the story raises thought provoking questions and the way a terminal disease diagnosis touches the life of the spouse of the sick person. What are they expected to sacrifice and for how long? What is reasonable when it comes to their needs?

The way Wildgen uses descriptions of food and their tastes and smells and the act of shopping for and preparing it is sensual and adds a depth to the world taking place between the covers of this book. Color, sound, taste, they are like characters vital to the story and add such depth. 

I felt extremely raw and unnerved by the end of this book. This isn't a criticism but more a testament to the way the story was so vivid and uncensored.   

(Finished August 17, 2013)