Dear Martin by Nic Stone

Like Starr in The Hate U Give Justyce is trying to find his voice, to be his true self, in a split world that both says they want him to be and they don't want him to try too hard to move on and up. 

Jus is a good kid. He is really smart and in the 3rd grade was placed in an accelerated learning program that landed him in the best High School around. He tells us he does his best to be a good guy, he doesn't dress like he's a gang member, he would never wear his pants around his butt to show off his underwear, and he loves and respects his mother and other adults. But he is painfully aware that he is one of only a few Black students at his school, another being his best friend Manny. Manny has known most of these kids since kindergarten because unlike Jus and his single mom, Manny's parents are rich so until High School they were in different school systems. 

After good guy Jus goes to rescue his on again off again girlfriend Melo, who happens to look white but is biracial, from driving drunk a police officer assumes Jus is up to know good and is harming her. The officer is unnecessarily rough with Jus, and he ends up in too tight handcuffs for a few hours. When he is released he doesn't get so much as an apology for the "misunderstanding." But it opens his eyes more, he begins to see and hear things he didn't pick up on or unconsciously ignored before. He also starts a project to restudy the writing of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and writes out his thoughts and feelings in the form of a journal of letters addressed to Martin. 

SJ is a white, Jewish girl at school who is Justyce's debate team partner. She is smart and outspoken about the racial injustice she sees around her. She wants to do better, be better, and it isn't easily accepted by her classmates. And she and Jus have feelings for each other. This allows a powerful story thread with his mom, because she has always made it clear she would never accept him dating a white girl. She has been so hurt and changed by discriminations she has seen and faced she doesn't like or trust white people much and for sure not as a life partner for her son. This plays a part in why Jus is so hesitant to acknowledge any feelings he has for SJ. It also opens the line of thought- can we really be surprised given the history of Black people in the US, if they feel like we White people are out to get them?

Dear Martin is gut wrenching. It made me so angry. It broke my heart. It pretty much shredded me, but then in the last few pages it filled me with hope. It strengthened my resolve to use the privilege that, unjustly so, comes with my skin to speak out against it, against discrimination, against racism, and be an ally. I am still learning the best way to do this, and a big part of it is reading books, fiction and nonfiction, that will help me better understand what is happening even when I don't see or hear it, to listen to the stories of those living the injustice. Then talking about it with other white people, and not letting others get away with making "jokes" and being asshats. 

(Finished July 29, 2018)

White Rabbit by Caleb Roehrig

Holy Cow!!! This was something!!! It was a coming of age figuring out your place in a community that wants to throw you out, figuring out sexuality, first love, and it was a chilling mystery!! Not easy to wrap up in one place successfully but Roehrig did it!!

I knew by page 14 or so that I was going to love his writing style when the insult one character throws out is to call someone "an absolute prolapsed rectum of a human being." There is so much snark in these pages it feels authentic and I love it. 

And as for the mystery, well I didn't think I knew who it was until very near the end, and then the reveal, and I was wrong!! And yes, I am so happy about that. I hate figuring out who-dun-it too soon, and while I don't mind being right when I figure it out, I really like being wrong and it making sense when the actual unsub (yes I used to watch Criminal Minds) is revealed. 

As for the love story, it doesn't feel like an extra or throw away plot, it doesn't crowd the story but enhances it and I found myself rooting for Rufus and Bash and wanting to admonish Rufus for not at least listening even as I understood why he couldn't. His hurt felt real and as someone who has had a broken heart I got why he was shutting Bash down, but the mama hen in me wanted to tell him to listen and maybe it might help him heal. 

Spoiler Alert, tho minor: I was glad we got the scene we did between Bash and his dad. Parents aren't perfect and it is ok to admit we make mistakes too. People who say parents shouldn't apologize to their kids are just plain wrong, we are our kids first example on how to own a mistake and make it right. 

(Finished July 29, 2018)

Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert

When I told a friend about this book when I was about to start it she said it sounds like a lot going on in one book but if handled well it could be good. Well it is a lot going on. And for the most part it is done well.

I got this one thinking my son could read it too and we could talk about where he is in trying to figure out his sexuality as well as how his sister's bipolar impacts him. He is 12 going on 112 and reads at a very high level. But I am not 100% sure now I will have him read this. There are some sexual situations, nothing too graphic but more than might be ok for him for another year or 2.

There are a few times that it feels a little forced, the threads of the many different strands Colbert is trying to weave together but overall it is a good story. Suzette, called Little by her brother, was sent to boarding school when her brother had a mental health break and it changed everything. Her brother's trust in her, her feeling connected to her family, and her connection with her friends. Lionel, Lion to his sister, is diagnosed with bipolar and it is a hard time for everyone, trying to figure out his care and condition. Their parents think they are saving Suzette by sending her to boarding school.

While away she falls for her roommate Iris and it leads to her trying to figure out her sexuality because once home she has feeling for Emil, the son of his mother's best friend, and Rafaela, the girl she meets and gets a job with. The rub is that Lionel has a huge crush on and wants to date Rafaela  and ends up asking her out.

Little loves Lion so much she ignores her feelings for Rafaela and begins seeing Emil romantically all while trying to process the huge and dangerous secret Lion has shared with her as well as the troubles she was having at school.

For parents it is hard to balance the needs of everyone in a family, and when one has some sort of illness, be it medical or mental health, it tends to consume most of the oxygen in the room and doesn't leave much for other children, each other, and oneself. Little & Lion's parents want to do right by them both and in that desire they make mistakes. What makes them special is that they are able to admit when they mess up and that sets a good example for Little & Lion.

While yes those are a lot of issues in one story it also rings authentic because that's what life really is, a bundle of many things happening to us at once that aren't always related except in that it is happening to one person.



(Finished July 28, 2018)

PS this is book #60 of the year which meets my goal for books read this year over on Goodreads!!!

Ghost Boys by Jewell Parker Rhodes

I bought this today because my friend Kelly, a teacher wrote about it on Goodreads and I knew I had to get it for me and my son. It was in the children's section, an area we don't much shop in anymore, as the reading level of the books is now too easy for my son and he is more into YA. But this was an important read for kids, teens, and adults. 

I just know this is going to do no justice to the powerful book I just started and finished in a couple of hours. I am gutted and cried. I am angry and sad. 

Black boys, and I do mean boys, as in children, shouldn't be criminalized for nothing other than the color of their skin. But too often that is what happens. 

Jerome is playing in an abandoned lot in his Chicago neighborhood. He is running and pretending to be a good guy while playing with a toy gun. A cop car comes up and with no warning, without even getting out of the car, he is shot in the back by the white officer. Yes, this is very much like Tamir Rice. It is what inspired Rhodes to write this story. 

 The connection between Jerome and Emmett Till as Ghost Boys is haunting, literally and figuratively. There are glimpses of others, a whole army of Ghost Boys each seen by someone because as Emmett tells Jerome, "Only the living can make the world better."

I want to be the best I can at making change, I am as Jerome says of Sarah, a white girl but not "white girl" and I know I have a voice that can be used to say this must stop, these young men must be remembered and their ranks not added to. 

Powerful, painful, important. 

(Finished July 27, 2018)

Never Fade (The Darkest Minds #2) by Alexandra Bracken

Ruby is back and Never Fade picks up a few months after the end of The Darkest Minds.
I am going to try to do this in a spoiler free way, but if you haven't read book 1 please stop here.



Ruby has a new group of "friends," now that she is with The League, Nico, Vida (who gets the short story at the end of this book the way Liam did in book 1), and Jude.
She misses Liam and Chubs but is convinced she did the right thing. That is until it is discovered that the life of her and her team are in danger and the revelation of the prisoner they rescued on an Op.

It's kind of frightening to see how Lord of the Flies some of the groups of kids have gone when left to their own devices. I'm not sure if Bracken intended to include a message about adults needing to protect kids from themselves as they grow into adults to allow them to grow and mature in a safe and healthy way, but that is something I was left thinking. In both books we get to see examples of what happens when adults aren't doing a good job of providing the care and instruction needed for kids to mature into healthy and productive adults as well as what happens when they do. And not all the kids left to their own follow the path of destruction, greed, fend for oneself at all costs, some even with the trauma they have been through form healthy bonds and want to do right and be better. It's interesting. But it isn't a beat you over the head soapbox. The story is full of excitement and tension.

And after the way this one ended, I need book 3 ASAP but my local store doesn't have any so it will be a couple of days!!!! BOOO!!!!

(Finished July 27, 2018)

Clock Dance by Anne Tyler

Back in 2016 I read A Spool of Blue Thread for a bookclub I used to be part of in my community. I really enjoyed it. So when when Barnes & Noble announced its 2nd Bookclub event (the first was The Female Persuasion by Meg Wolitzer) and this was the book I felt pretty sure I would at least not hate it. So I signed up and used some of my birthday gift card (my birthday was 6 days ago) to buy this selection. And I loved it!!!


The starting point is a moment that imprints itself on Willa and changes who she is in way she has no idea of yet, after all she is only 11. Her mother, who has always been completely predictable in her unpredictability, vanishes for a few days then returns as suddenly as she left. Those couple of days plant a seed in Willa and grows and changes who she might have been into who she becomes. It is one of those clear before and after moments that sometimes happen to us.

The story follows Willa in 1967, 1977, 1997, and 2017. How her mother's moods and behaviors changes her is different than how her sister is impacted. Willa is a people pleaser, people being everyone but herself. When an accidental shooting has her dragged into her son's ex's and the ex's daughter's life Willa begins to see. Seeing isn't always easy and sometimes we don't like what see. Where Tyler really hits home here is how Willa grows and sees and what she chooses, when she learns or realizes she has a choice to make.

I can't wait to talk to who ever shows up for the discussion night for this one!!

(Finished July 23, 2018)

The Darkest Minds (The Darkest Minds #1) by Alexandra Bracken

While I know now that there is a movie coming soon based on this book I hadn't heard of it until my husband gave be this as one of a bag of books he got me for my birthday a few days ago. He saw it in the store and thought I would like it. 

I DID!!!! And I can't wait to read the rest of the series. The only reason I am not jumping right into book 2 is because I need to read Clock Dance by Anne Tyler for Barnes & Noble's book club night coming soon. 

I have a love of stories like this, where there is something that happens that changes the world, how it is run, who is in charge, who thinks they are in charge, new world order type stuff. While this isn't exactly Hunger Games or Uglies or Matched...etc....it kind of fits that YA Sub-Genre. 

Some of the children in the US start to show powers or abilities while others die of a virus. Adults act in fear and try to "fix" the kids which involves putting them into camps and keeping them away from the world. 

But then Chubs, Liam, Zu, and Ruby find each other. They become a family of sorts and face what they learn about their powers, the rulers, and love and loss. 

Ruby is 16 now but has been in the camp since she was 10. When she leaves the camp she realizes how little she knows and how the world just went on outside the fences of her camp. She is stronger than she thinks and so much better than her main adversary even if he thinks he knows so much. 

I spent the last 10 pages saying "No Ruby, don't do it" while my heart was breaking and I was wishing for a happier ending, but I guess it makes sense that it wasn't the happily ever after ending since there are three more books to go. Though as I learned from my time in the world of Divergent and Game of Thrones, being a main character doesn't make one safe, not anymore!!!!

I need to know if Ruby can fix what she has done. I need to know Chub's fate. I need to know where Zu is. And I need Liam to keep calling Ruby darlin'. Oh and I really want Clancy to have or to get his ass handed to him!!!

(Finished July 22, 2018)

The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd

I found this one on the infamous Buy 2 Get 1 Free table and it sounded like a book I would enjoy when I read the back and I have heard of The Secret Life of Bees but haven't read it so was vaguely familiar with the author so I grabbed this. 

The Invention of Wings doesn't have a ton of graphic depictions of horrors inflicted on salves but there are some and when they are written about they aren't sugar coated. The focus of this story is more on the relationship between two women, Sarah, the white daughter of a slave owning family who is gifted n her 11th birthday with the other woman we follow throughout the story, Handful/Hetty, a child herself when she is given to Sarah. 

Sarah is an abolitionist at heart but as a woman, and one with a speech impediment, she has a very hard time speaking about her views. She makes Handful's mother a promise that she will somehow free her and she tries hard to keep this promise. 

The relationship between Handful and Sarah, forced upon them as children, grows into something, what that is isn't easy to define, for them so for us, the readers. I would say it is love, but it takes time to realize it, for them and for us. 

The writing is beautiful even when it hurts. Sarah and Handful are two of the strongest and bravest women I have read about and I was glad to meet them. Sometimes bravery and love is quiet and subtle, but that doesn't make it any less real or important. 

(Finished July 18, 2018)

The President Is Missing by Bill Clinton & James Patterson

I got this book because I was curious to see what Bill Clinton & James Patterson would come up with together and if I would be able to pick out their voices. I think I could pick out parts that were one or the other but it was mostly a coherent read. Mostly.

I say mostly not because of a broken feeling when the words of one or the other of the authors was writing a given section but because of a few spots that gave me pause and I need to tell you about even while I am saying I would recommend you read this one if you like political mysteries.

I am pretty closely politically aligned with Clinton and I am guessing Patterson too if he attached his name to a work with Clinton. For like 98% of this book it was what you would expect to get from a Patterson novel, a mystery, a trail of clues that may or may not be real, hello red herrings, tension, a conclusion and reveal. But there were a few parts that were not part of the story and could have been there or left tout without changing the enjoyment of the novel. Now, for me it was like preaching to the choir, I already believed the things being pushed forward, the agenda if you will....for example there is a part that talks about race and the continuing problem of unarmed black men being targets of some cops, or the part about the problem of homeless vets being a disgraceful situation and needing to be fixed, and then there is an entire speech about the way we need to work together regardless of political affiliation and preserve rights for all even when we disagree, like not infringing on religious freedoms for all religions while still protecting the rights of all regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation, and like protecting the voting rights of all people regardless of political affiliation to name a few topics covered. It is a liberal speech and easy for me to take because it is preaching to the choir where I am concerned. However, I was reading this to escape the partisan bickering and wanted just a good political mystery so wouldn't have missed the political lecture even if it wasn't aimed at me since as I said I agreed with the sentiments already, and I am not sure someone who was very conservative would have been reading this one to begin with, given Clinton being co-author.

Overall though, it was a good story. But holy heck it was kind of scary, since as I am reading about spearfishing and hacking on the news they are talking about hacking the Clinton campaign and DCCC using spearfishing and the use of hacking to influence the 2016 election. The story felt too real and possible for complete comfort and it made the tension more palpable. Not great literature, but Patterson isn't presented as great literature, but worth the time to read.

(Finished July 14, 2018)

Monster by Walter Dean Myers

I picked this one up for my son, the one I tell you about, the 12 going on 112 Social Just Warrior, LGBTQ Proud Community member....It looked like something he would interested in/learn from...

I read it first to make sure it is ok for him, see how much we will need to talk as he reads it, that kind of thing. He reads at an amazingly high level so I have to check for age appropriate or at least him appropriate content, which basically means we avoid explicit adult like sexual content. 

Anyway, back to Monster...

I have a weakness for books that make me feel, as I have told you before, but when I feel so much that the writer's words have left me ripped open, exposed, raw...those are usually among the very best books. Monster goes in that grouping. 

It is written mostly as a screenplay by 16 year old Steve, a young black man in jail and on trial for his alleged part in a robbery that ended up with a man dying. He is trying to process what is happening to him and understand why the prosecutor called him a monster. He maintains his innocence but is learning that no one cares or sees that, he is learning that the color of his skin precludes him from the legal protection of presumed innocent until otherwise proven. He is afraid of the noises he hears at night in the jail cells around him. He is afraid of losing in court and spending the rest of his life in prison. He is afraid he is a monster. So he writes a movie in his notebook to try and tell the story and hopefully understand. 

My son has an interest in filmmaking including the screenplay writing process so I thought he would find this an interesting format and way to tell a story on a topic he cares about.

 

My heart shredded reading his fear and tears. This book is from 1999 but it is so damn relevant today as there is still a school to prison pipeline and unarmed young men of color are dying at the hands of law enforcement, and now there is an epidemic of white people (shame on you those who do this) calling the cops on people for swimming, canvassing for a campaign, selling water bottles (think lemonade stand), while black. 

Myers is a powerful user of the written word, I think I will look into more of his books. And I will be having some deep talks with my son when he reads this. 

(Finished July 10, 2018)

Picture Us in the Light by Kelly Loy Gilbert

As the mom of a teenager who attempted suicide 3 months ago and is still not back home with us this was a little hard to read. While the suicide of Sandra is a huge part of the story it isn't sensationalized or the main story.

Danny and his friends and schoolmates are handling the upcoming anniversary of Sandra's death in different ways as life goes on for them with varying degrees of difficulty.

For Danny he is dealing with secrets kept from him by his overprotective parents even as he deals with secrets he is keeping from his friends. When he finds a box full of secrets and then strange things happen like his dad losing his job and another sudden move and lots of whispered fights coming from behind his parents bedroom door Danny becomes determined to figure out the mystery.

Picture Us in the Light is not about suicide, it is about life, about living as best you can even when it hurts. It's about letting those who love you in and let them help you. It's about forgiveness and accepting the imperfection of others, even if they are your parents, because even parents make mistakes.

(note: I am a firm believer that some things are beyond the realm of mistakes and forgiving parents for their mistakes and imperfections. I wouldn't suggest extending this grace to abusive parents or partners, but that isn't the case with Danny's parents, they are just flawed and hurting and not sure how to fix things that have gone so wrong.)

(Finished July 9, 2018)

Mockingbird by Kathryn Erskine

I read this one because it is one of the two books my 12yo new 7th grader from the required summer reading book list. The other book he picked is March by John Lewis. 

I am so glad I read this, having read the description I thought he might need or want to take about it while or after he reads it. He started it yesterday and I finished it today in one sitting. I was a little surprised when he picked it from the list, but only a little, and the reason was that it falls quite a bit under his reading level and I thought he might find it too easy...well...the topic and writing made it a must read for any age, it has a lesson we can all use. 

The story is told from the POV of Caitlin. At the start something has happened and her beloved brother Devon is gone. Her dad is having a really hard time dealing with what ever IT is. Caitlin is too but not in the same emotional way as her dad. Caitlin has Aspergers and she sees everything (figuratively and literally) as best in black and white. Say what you mean and mean what you say, and no colors please, they blur and make it harder to see. Caitlin's counselor at school is trying to help her learn empathy and to make friends. Caitlin is struggling. She doesn't get why others don't get it, often including her dad. 

This is a really well done story. It was a little hard to read at times given the times we live and why Devon is gone (trigger warning: school shooting). But it did give me some insight into my son, who is high functioning but has ASD too. He has shared with me that as he is reading he understands Caitlin and her frustrations and sometimes he has the same ones. 

Now that I am done reading this I am waiting for the inevitable conversations with my son. Both about his Autism and the fear of school shootings. He told me he is afraid because he knows it is when and not if it happens in our community, he is in Middle School. Mockingbird is a way to get the hard conversation started. 

(Finished July 8, 2018)

The Outsider by Stephen King

I haven't read a Stephen King book in YEARS. The last one I read was 11/22/63 back in 2012. Before that I had read a bunch, seen the movies based on them or both. One of my favorites was The Stand, which I read while pregnant with my oldest and then became paranoid about people coughing near me.

At almost 200 pages in and I was thinking that this is a great crime story/mystery, I'll never figure this out, but it isn't "Stephen King." To begin with, it doesn't take place in Maine. And then there is the fact that while the crime was gruesome and made my stomach hurt and my heart break, there was nothing supernatural or "Kingish" about it. No monster clown, no pets returned from the dead, no teen with the power to move things with her mind, no kid starting fires with her brain, no killer dogs...you get the point....

But then it happens...things get REALLY creepy. Things don't seem humanly possible, after all a person can't be in two places at once can they? But that's what it appears is the case. And what started out as a typical who-done-it in the style of James Patterson is back into what one would expect from King and boy is it gross, and scary, and DIVINE!!!!


Don't read the last third of the book while eating.


(Finished July 7, 2018)

The Home for Unwanted Girls by Joanna Goodman

This is one of those books I stumbled across without having heard of before finding it. It was sitting on a new in paperback table at my happy place and the title and cover photo made me stop and read the description. And like so many times before, I found a gem!!

The Home for Unwanted Girls is a heartbreaking yet heart-mending story about love. Love between parents and children, love between friends, love between lovers.

In 1950 Quebec Maggie, a young half English half French girl, finds herself in love with the young French boy form the farm next door. Her father is having none of it and sends her to live with an Aunt and Uncle until the boy returns to his winter job in the city. While there she discovers she is pregnant. Her parents give her no choice and make her give up her baby, who she names Elodie, and Maggie feels like at just newly 16 she has no choice. She breaks up with her love, Gabriel, and the baby is given up and Maggie is never the same.

Elodie doesn't get adopted and her story is told in alternating chapters with Maggie's. They come so close to finding each other but the system was not set up to allow mothers and their children to be reunited. When to bring in more money the orphanage is turned to a mental hospital Elodie and many other children are caught up in a nightmare.

The Home for Unwanted Girls explores the fallout from choices we make or allow others to make for us. It is also a story about strength and healing. Maggie is so hurt and angry by her parents and has to learn that they are people too and has to decide if she can forgive them. Elodie feels broken and helpless and unequipped for a life outside asylum walls.

This was a really good read. It moved me, made me cry, and made me happy.

(Finished July 3, 2018)

The Boy in the Black Suit by Jason Reynolds

Jason Reynolds has done it again, moved me, made me think, made me feel, made me fall in love with characters and words.
(Other Jason Reynold's books I have read: All American Boys, Long Way Down, For Everyone)

Matt's mom Daisy recently passed...breast cancer....his world feels backwards and wrong. He is trying to figure out how to live his life without her, she was very much the center of his world. His father isn't handling the loss of Daisy any better than Matt. Matt is lucky even in this awful time. People in his life, in his community have tried to help him each in their own way. His best friend Chris tries to treat Matt "normally." Mr. Ray has stepped in to make sure Matt is doing ok and isn't completely unsupervised. He even gives Matt a job at his funeral home.

It's there that Matt learns that he isn't alone in his pain and grief. He witnesses it in others at the funerals of their loves ones. And during this time Matt meets a girl. A girl he likes. A girl who might just like him too. And things begin to feel ok again.

Reynolds writes in such an authentic voice, I could hear Matt, hear his Brooklyn (making me homesick for my hometown) and feel his pain. I could also feel his healing when it begins. One of my favorite things about how Reynolds writes his characters is that he writes the way the young people he is writing about (and for) talk removing any intimidation many young people may feel when approaching books.

While not as gut wrenching as Boys or Long Way, The Boy in the Black Suit defiantly packs an emotional punch.

(Finished July 1, 2018)

Love, Hate & Other Filters by Samira Ahmed

I have been having a great year in terms of finding, being told about, and reading great, WOW type books.

This is one of those. Love Hate & Other Filters is the story of Maya and her senior year of high school in a world where her brown skin and her Muslim faith mark her as different in her community. When a horrible thing happens in another part off her state she faces what has become all too common, blaming Muslims and/or people of color for the actions of others even when there is (as is often, almost always the case) no connection between them and what ever it is that happened.

This happens as part of a larger story, the story of young romantic feelings, parent-child relationships, culture clashes between where one comes from and where one is, and modernity. I especially felt the weight of the parent-child piece since I am a parent. It is always more complicated then children think it is to manage what we think is best for our kids, what they hope for, dream about, want, and to keep our own fears and dreams in check or balance. But I also felt for Maya and wanted to see her get her wish, to go to her dream college and pursue her art. I wanted her to find her wings and soar and I was angry on her behalf when she was stifled.

My heart broke and mended over the 300ish pages of this one, total love!!

(Finished July 1, 2018)